New Me
Hply Spirit
The Flesh

Illustrating : Rejection as Sins of the Flesh

The Absence of Meaningful Love.

Examples of Obvious Behavior

• Physical abuse. • Alcoholic parent

• Sexual abuse. • Refugee during the war.

• Desertion by a parent (mate). • Racial and/or sexual discrimination.

Open statements of rejection:

• I hate you.

• I never have loved you.

• I don't love you anymore.

• I wish you were never born.

• You never have met my needs.

• You were an accident; a mistake.

• If____ had not taken place, you wouldn't have been born.

• Direct attack on a person's character instead of behavior:

• Liars won't be allowed in this home.

• You're a dumb! You're stupid! You're a liar!

• Lying behavior will not be tolerated in this home.

• Husband critical of wife's body (wrong proportions).

• Parents telling a child they wanted a baby of the other sex.

• Child being asked or forced to testify in court against a parent.

• Child being forced to choose sides during parental/marital argument.

Examples of Subtle Behavior

•Death of a parent.

•Broken home. Divorce by parents (growing up with one parent; raised by relatives).

•Over-protection. Someone making most of my decisions and/or doing everything for me.

•Not being allowed or taught to accept responsibility.

•Parents (mate) who work too much or too busy in church activities and seldom home.

•Absentee parent (father overseas or away on business a lot, etc.)

•Communication to a child. Children are to be seen and not heard.

•Comparison: Why can't you be like ___?

•Dominant, controlling mother, weak, passive father.

•Punishment out of anger (to vent hostility) rather than in love.

•Over discipline: Correction out of line with the magnitude of the offense.

•Parents who are either overly strict or too lax in discipline.

•Growing up in a home where there is little expression of warmth and affection. (hugging, etc)

•One child is favored over another.

•Never being able to measure up to parent's (loved one's) expectation.

•Bringing home a grade of B and being told. Why didn't you make an A?

•Performance based acceptance: Receiving love and approval based on what I do, rather than who I am.

•Being told. Can't you do anything right? You're not trying hard enough. I thought I told you...!

•Won't you ever learn? Watch out! You're going to mess up again!

•Not being able to communicate with parents (loved ones) on a deep, meaningful level.

•Growing up (living) in a home where the words, / love you, were rarely heard.

•Conditional love, I will love you if______.

•A child growing up never being allowed to become their own unique person.

•A child who is never allowed to have or voice his own opinion.

•Parents (mate) who are always right and never admit their mistakes or failures.

•Being told. If you don't shape up, you'll never amount to anything.

•Parents who attempt to buy their children's love by giving them things instead of themselves.

•Constantly being corrected and criticized by a parent (or loved one). Nagging.

•Never being allowed to fail.

•Not being allowed to have or express emotion.

•Being told. You shouldn't feel like that. Big boys don't cry.

•Stop crying, or I'II give you something to cry about.

•Being told either directly or indirectly that sex is bad.

•Finding out my parents were pregnant with me before they were married.

•Being told, I almost died at childbirth, or Your mother died when you were born.

•Parents never attending my activities while growing up (sports, music, drama, etc.).

•A father who never did anything with me alone — going out on a date, etc.

•Being born to parents late in life (change-in-life baby).

•Not being remembered by loved ones on birthday or anniversary, etc.

•Parents who are physically sick (or emotionally or mentally unstable), while growing up.

•Hospitalization at an early age — prolonged childhood illness.

•Having to work as a child.


•Moving a lot while growing up.

Typical Response by Christians

These Sins of the Flesh are representative of why the Church has failed in approaching those who are hurting. My book, “Is There Really Life After Death?” touches on a number of these issues. Unless a Pastor, or counsellor can identify overt and covert rejection in a counsellee, and substantiate its source, thoughts of suicide will soon dominate the mind. The source of rejection must be established, identified, and exchanged with new life in Christ.

Rejection can only be resolved when one identifies with Christ in His death, burial, resurrection, and ascension. Sin in the flesh will never bow to the Holy Spirit, but they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. (Galations 2:20; 5:24) It is time to stand in Christ, and share these truths with the world. If pastors won’t, then the layman should.

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